My Path to Self Responsibility

What’s my favourite part of my job?

I think my favourite part of my job is when my clients start to see how far they have come, especially when they realise that they are fully responsible for themselves and how much freedom that gives them.

When we are going through a process of healing it is so important to approach it through a sense of self responsibility, but to be honest, I think I had self responsibility all wrong for a long time.  I have always been good at taking responsibility for all the things, and then working hard to do it all.  I have blamed myself in the name of self responsibility, I have apportioned what I can take responsibility for and then I have allocated the rest to someone, or something else – ummm, not helpful!! More recently I have come to see that self responsibility comes in the space where I make the choices. When I take stock of my needs, honestly, and then take steps to make sure my needs are considered, then no matter what happens, I don’t have to apportion blame at all.  What happens next is then a consequence of my choices, not resentment from ignoring my needs, and because I have taken responsibility I can react honestly to the outcome and correct if necessary without any blame, shame or resentment. 

I have had a pattern over my life of ‘giving in’ to the needs of others and also ‘giving up’ on myself, often without realising it.  I grew up in a world where daughters, wives, mothers were often valued for their ability to serve and sacrifice for others (this is changing but we are not there yet) and we are shaped by our environment so while I have had plenty of opportunity to step up and create my life as I want it, it has always felt like a battle, against myself and the existing culture.  Throw in a bit of fear of failure, and fear of being over-worked and under- appreciated and it makes sense to accept the status quo.  

I say this, not to demonstrate that I was powerless, or that my life is terrible (it is definitely not) but to demonstrate that unless we are willing to become fully self responsible, not only for our choices, but for examining the reasons for our choices we can unconsciously create a life that does not serve us.  This year, 2022, my commitment to myself is to ‘take my place’ at the centre of the life I want for me, and I want to invite you to do the same.